life

This is my motherfucking life. What the fuck am I doing. What happened to the Kat that used to seek out the beautiful things in everything, and everything was exciting, everything was a joy. Now I’m this angry, resentful, bitter drug abuser. Why am I so scared and ashamed that my friend is helping me pull some strings at Syn. Why do I care so so so so SO much about you. Why am I putting off talking to universities, seeing which one will stupidly take me in. Why do I do things for people, and care so much about them, when they say awful things about me behind my back. Why do I still think about things I shouldn’t, things that have passed and really, didn’t matter at the time and shouldn’t now. Why don’t I fucking do something with my life, instead of sitting here drugfucked or drunk, killing my lungs slowly. Fuck this. I’m going to grow up even more this year, throw out the trash and do something I will be proud of, not something I settled for simply because I don’t know what I want.